洪進吉
以大學商管學歷背景出身,結合工程師、技術經驗,以技術導向的行銷見長。
目前任職: 姊妹淘, 阿物, ADCT 等公司
之前 EC 相關公司經歷: EZPrice, MMdc關鍵數位行銷, 學思行(Tazze), 博客來, PCHome 等公司
洪進吉投身網路超過 25 年, 在網路圈是個小眾名人, 也就是從事網路圈一定資歷的人幾乎沒有沒聽過他的, 尤其是在網路工程師圈的知名度覆蓋率更高, 而他的代表作有 BBS 個人版, 部落格觀察, 林克傳說等, 更是對部落格圈, 網路媒體圈及網路使用者有一定的影響力.
以電子商務觀點而言, 最知名的是對資料探勘 (Data Mining) 的實作與經驗是數一數二, 尤其是為了做網路行為分析, 每天抓取數的資料是數千萬到數億的, 可以說是擁有網路資料最多的個人之一, 會能夠這樣做到不只是因為他對資料與數字的敏銳, 主要也是在於因為他是從網管出身, 因此對高效能運算, 高有效性系統, 與大量資料的實作經驗, 才能如此.
較著名的事蹟:
1. 在 PCHome 成立網路與系統部門, 掌管所有設備, 並讓 PCHome 從一般媒體變成網路技術導向的公司 (也曾創下半年以上連續無休在公司的記錄).
2. 在博客來實作出資料探勘的關聯購買, 以及推薦購買的 eDM, 創下超過 100% 的開信率.
3. 擔任接近 50 家公司的顧問, 有一半以上超過一年.
4. 同時以顧問與工程師的身份, 持續的開發工具與產品, 協助工作與社會.
1996 年開發出第一個代表作─個人版為主的BBS,帶動自有BBS個人版風氣。
2000年嘗試運用個人電子報資料探勘突顯個人風格特色,被喻為可能是「史上第一個Blog」
2006年寫出部落格觀察,影響現今台灣個人部落格的產業與現況,為第二個代表作。
2014年,完成318學運衍伸相關作品「服貿東西軍」、觀察臉書打卡機制的作品「打卡現民意」、計算街頭直播觀看人數系統「網路一號」、實際運用大數據運算社群表態互動的系統「彼得塔之境」,以及社群操作數據觀察作品「林克傳說」,期望透過這些系統達到開放公民的目標。
在開發的數十個行銷工具中,主要包含以下四個面向:
1.社群使用者觀察工具
2.數字分析導向的儀表版
3.資料探勘或大數據的使用者建議
4.技術性SEO分析系統
工作內容 (10年前~現在)
網路與系統管理 (40%~15%)
系統開發 (25%~15%)
高有效性與效能調校 (20%~15%)
資料探勘 (15%~15%)
SEO (0%~25%)
社群觀察與行銷 (0%~15%)
11/22/2014
11/06/2014
Gene in EC
Gene (aka 食夢黑貘) 雖然本職一直是個工程師 (or 技術顧問), 但因為大學唸最久的是商管學院, 所以跟大部份的行銷人員最不一樣是, 擅長以技術為導向的行銷, 其中最主要是四項, 開發給社群使用者用的工具, 建立數字分析導向的儀表版, 透過資料探勘或大數據的使用者建議, 以及技術性 SEO.
9/25/2014
Full Stack Maker
又來寫篇給朋友看的文章...
認識我的人都知道, 我一直認為台灣的問題, 不完全是那些喊著拼經濟, 但最後只是拼自己經濟的那群人, 重點是拼經濟時到底離 "產品" 多遠? 最後這時候的獲利最多的是那些離產品最遠的人...
OK, 這不是我要說的重點...
認識我的人都知道, 我一直認為台灣的問題, 不完全是那些喊著拼經濟, 但最後只是拼自己經濟的那群人, 重點是拼經濟時到底離 "產品" 多遠? 最後這時候的獲利最多的是那些離產品最遠的人...
OK, 這不是我要說的重點...
而是一直說, 我常建議網路業的任何同行, 要嘗試著做出自己的作品, 這個作品並不是那種出張嘴的那種, 而是 "校長兼撞鐘, 扛機器到美工,
使用者到社群與經營都要有經驗" 的人, 這點倒很像所謂的 Full Stack Developer, 也有人稱為 "全端/全能工程師",
但事實上我真正期許的不只是工程師, 而是這環節的任何人...
當時的理論基礎是: 若你能夠對這環節有經驗, 你在職場上的溝通與協同會好很多, 在做可行性分析時就不會太災難...
但又有人說當你有這方面的經驗, 就有足夠的 Bargain Power 在職場過活, 但說穿了我的重是是: "現在的社會過於強調管理與行銷的價值, 都忘了本質還是在生產" 的這想法....
Anyway, 我這篇文章是要請教大家, 目前在網路圈, 有那些比較值得推薦的這樣的人呢? 雖然有人說只要有技術背景的 Start Up 人通常是, 但事實上很多人缺乏社群經驗以及伺服器管理經驗,
有關 Full-Stack Developer 的定義參見:
http://www.laurencegellert.com/2012/08/what-is-a-full-stack-developer/
其中包含:
1. Server, Network, and Hosting Environment.
2. Data Modeling
3. Business Logic
4. API layer / Action Layer / MVC
5. User Interface
6. User Experience
7. Understanding what the customer and the business need
而我私下又加上
8. Marketing / Advertising
9. Product and Resource Management
10. Social Network Experience
11. Content / Opinion Provider
13. Programmer / Engineer / Art Designer AFTER ALL!!!
雖然這邊有一個有趣的問題, 就是現在雲端之後很多人缺乏較底層的 Hardware Maintenance 經驗, 幾乎只要操作雲端就差不多了, 這也是另一個論點...
所以請大家推薦名單, 畢竟我知道的人還是不夠多, ..
下面大概是我最近整理出來想到的, 包含跟 Brecht Huang 討論出來的:
海總理
XDite
紅色死神
clkao
Lawrence Lin
nchild
KNY
約克馬
pct
jimmy
gslin
zonble
ihower
tonyQ
Ben Lin
hlb
appleboy
Ceaser
Sean Liu
林好手
michael su
will 保哥
Ken Lee
wildcat
https://www.facebook.com/genehong/posts/10152145161724728
當時的理論基礎是: 若你能夠對這環節有經驗, 你在職場上的溝通與協同會好很多, 在做可行性分析時就不會太災難...
但又有人說當你有這方面的經驗, 就有足夠的 Bargain Power 在職場過活, 但說穿了我的重是是: "現在的社會過於強調管理與行銷的價值, 都忘了本質還是在生產" 的這想法....
Anyway, 我這篇文章是要請教大家, 目前在網路圈, 有那些比較值得推薦的這樣的人呢? 雖然有人說只要有技術背景的 Start Up 人通常是, 但事實上很多人缺乏社群經驗以及伺服器管理經驗,
有關 Full-Stack Developer 的定義參見:
http://www.laurencegellert.com/2012/08/what-is-a-full-stack-developer/
其中包含:
1. Server, Network, and Hosting Environment.
2. Data Modeling
3. Business Logic
4. API layer / Action Layer / MVC
5. User Interface
6. User Experience
7. Understanding what the customer and the business need
而我私下又加上
8. Marketing / Advertising
9. Product and Resource Management
10. Social Network Experience
11. Content / Opinion Provider
13. Programmer / Engineer / Art Designer AFTER ALL!!!
雖然這邊有一個有趣的問題, 就是現在雲端之後很多人缺乏較底層的 Hardware Maintenance 經驗, 幾乎只要操作雲端就差不多了, 這也是另一個論點...
所以請大家推薦名單, 畢竟我知道的人還是不夠多, ..
下面大概是我最近整理出來想到的, 包含跟 Brecht Huang 討論出來的:
海總理
XDite
紅色死神
clkao
Lawrence Lin
nchild
KNY
約克馬
pct
jimmy
gslin
zonble
ihower
tonyQ
Ben Lin
hlb
appleboy
Ceaser
Sean Liu
林好手
michael su
will 保哥
Ken Lee
wildcat
https://www.facebook.com/genehong/posts/10152145161724728
8/15/2014
開放人民的力量
開放人民的力量
食夢黑貘
OPENDATA
所謂透明/開放、透通/連結,是說什麼樣的東西可以連結在一起開放,如何把政府的資料開放給大家用,並不是政府開放給人民,讓人民去使用,事實上應該是這四個面向要互相能夠open:opengovernment、openbusiness、opencollege、opencivic,這是個4*4的連結點,而並不是單一連結點。
雖然目前大家比較注意在政府和人民之間的連結點,那重要的就是如何讓人民的聲音傳遞到政府?如何讓學術研究知道真正的社會?如何創造出真正有價值的產品與服務?如何討論出真正的想法這都是有趣的議題。
現實的問題
做出一個系統,讓大家知道朋友之間的同儕意見
1.政府在自創民意這件事,我們能不能夠去監測得到?
2.有無可能去突破到網路的集體迷思?
3.媒體對這些東西有沒有可能去證明?
4.或者是一個數量,例如哪個媒體最腥羶色、哪個媒體最喜歡用「網友說」?這些東西事實上而言,你說要透過結構化的去抓取或是去判斷,並不是不可能的。
5.怎麼樣讓人跟人之間的關係更緊密?
集體迷思
很多人以為看到的是資訊的全貌,事實上並不然,大家都以為這次的318學運是靠著資訊的力量去能夠很輕易的帶動一些人,而去改變什麼,但其實這些工具在更早以前的樂生事件就已經有了。
這裡有兩個問題點,第一:「資訊傳遞本身有限」,事實上很多人都認為,「網路」是資訊上非常流通的地方,理論上不可能會有什麼資訊屏障,但是人會建立自己的屏障,無論是他在選擇媒體、或是他自己想聽的、或者是聽了之後他真的聽得進去的,在這種情況下,人自然而然的建立了一個屏障,並且以為他得到的是所有的資訊,問題是他只相信自己想相信的東西;當然還有一個問題是第二點:「人會在不自覺的情況下過濾資訊」,像是2007年的樂生效應,那時候有在玩網路的人都知道,那時候全部被樂生洗板嘛,你無論到部落格或是噗浪,那時還沒有臉書,到處都是樂生的事情,可是你打開新聞,什麼屁都沒有,沒有人提到樂生,你會覺得進入到兩個不一樣的社會,所以我們那時就開始考慮說,怎麼樣能解決這個問題。
失敗的MOOT
當時我們就做了一個很有趣的計畫,叫做MOOT(Media Observation of Taiwan),就是想要觀察媒體,因為當時2007年WEB2.0很紅嘛,我們就建立了一個WEB2.O計畫,其中有一個計畫就是「部落格好好讀」,這個計畫就是:我們大概抓了四十多萬的部落格,找出他們共同的議題跟語言,但是我們知道部落格在做什麼,卻不知道媒體在做什麼,因為那時沒有媒體網路,無論是新聞或是雜誌都沒有人上網,而我們的計畫就失敗了。
當時是想說有沒有可能找一堆人把所有的新聞雜誌都key上去,結果這是不可能的事情,雖然我們真的很想做,所以這個計畫就一直擺在那邊,最後就失敗了。
林克傳說(第一期)
一直到最後,我們發展出林克傳說,透過臉書讓大家知道大家在想什麼,透過這個方法讓大家知道如何突破集體迷思是我們的目標,所以你必須知道你訊息的屏障,在這之前,你還必須知道你自己訊息的屬性。當然我們知道你的訊息,在臉書而言就是你的社群,其實就是「近朱者赤,近墨者黑」的道理,你會選擇你的臉書好友、你的臉書訊息來源,舉個例子,我有個朋友是綠骨藍皮的,那我就有建議我幾個朋友去follow他,結果說的當天就有20幾人
follow,但過了幾天之後follow人數就只剩兩個人了。這個故事告訴我們,人會很本能的去選擇自己想要看的,但我們現在想做的,不是說想讓大家都成為同質性的人,是想要讓大家了解自己是屬於什麼屬性的人。
林克傳說(第二期)
後來在今年三月十號的時候我們做出了另外一個東西,能夠去分析現在的熱門議題跟話題,那之後就派上用場了,你可以知道哪些熱門網站的話題跟趨勢,大家到底有沒有在關心核電?或是核電的議題的狀況?但是過了五天,318就發生了。
當然接下來我們會嘗試做一些新系統,出櫃系統,那這個出櫃不是那個出櫃啦,就是看你自己的屬性,大家有空可以去試試看,看你是會投給連勝文、柯文哲、還是馮光遠。這個理論上是超神準的,這也是很有趣的地方。人,很難去表達自己的意見,人不太喜歡come out,可是我只要觀察你的朋友,就能觀察你無意間過濾的資訊,進而知道出你會投給誰,也就是說透過這個系統,我們可以觀察出很多東西,其中也包含出你的屬性、或是你手機想買哪種的,我們利用林克傳說去做出很多實驗,包含媒體的分佈,這些東西都可以這樣做到。
那為什麼可以這樣做到呢?很重要的就是量級,林克傳說目前是蒐集一百萬個使用者的塗鴉牆,但比台灣兩千三百萬人還是少數,但做台灣的統計調查三千多個就夠了,也有人一百、兩百個就敢公佈了不是嗎?所以一百萬個使用者的準確度是非常可怕的,但是會面臨到一個很嚴重的問題,就是取樣的全部都是網路上的人。
當然說難聽一點,過了十幾年,那些沒用網路的人都死了,我們要解決的是數位落差嘛,過了幾年大家都上網了,就沒有那些問題了。
資料的探勘
在場很多心理跟社會的嘛,那我稍微介紹一下次級資料。我們利用二手資料,能夠去取得很有趣的東西。我舉個最有趣的例子,微軟每年都會公佈使用ie6使用的比例嘛,我們就發現很有趣的現象,使用ie6的比例也可以代表每個國家資訊化的程度,越早資訊化的國家他使用ie6的程度最高,但是像是瑞典從70%降到20%的ie6使用程度,台灣也從70%降到了60%,這代表了什麼?也就是說,我們可以從這個統計資料得出兩種資訊,第一點是:資訊化的程度、第二個是:資訊化的進步,資訊使用改變的狀況。意思就是說它使用之後覺得不好用,或是有更新的瀏覽器上市,所以使用者就汰舊換新了。也就是說,我們很多東西不一定只能從表面去得到,從綜合指標去反推其它的屬性及因子,用所謂的次級資料來去運算。
好我們就直接進結論,我們的政府離開放政府還有一段距離,318也沒有追求所謂的透明化民意,但是我是相信,要是人民能夠出櫃come out出來說我是什麼樣的想法,甚至能夠去互動,但這個出櫃的想法不一定屬於政治上的,也可以屬於消費上的,或是生活興趣上的,自己能跟社會互動,我相信這樣生活會更好。
當然身為一個技術人員,我們可不可能去做一些事情,讓大家知道你的朋友喜歡聽什麼音樂、做什麼事情、喜歡吃什麼東西,這也是我們系統想要達到的目標,好,謝謝大家。
http://www.tw-sts.org/sites/default/files/03%20%E9%96%8B%E6%94%BE%E4%BA%BA%E6%B0%91%E7%9A%84%E5%8A%9B%E9%87%8F.pdf#overlay-context=home
http://www.tw-sts.org/sites/default/files/03%20%E9%96%8B%E6%94%BE%E4%BA%BA%E6%B0%91%E7%9A%84%E5%8A%9B%E9%87%8F.pdf#overlay-context=home
7/02/2014
Data Science 2
由於BBS 個人站, 部落格觀察, 林克傳說等計劃, 暱稱食夢黑貘的 Gene Hong 一直都是台灣抓取, 計算資料最多的個人.
從 1992 年起, 就投入當時稱為資訊獲取 (Information Retrieving) 的領域, 因為深知其關鍵為大量運算, 所以踏入效能調校 (Performance Tuning), 高有效性系統 (High Availability) 等技術專長, 因為曾唸過管理科學, 化學, 數學, 圖書館, 資工, 資管等系所, 因此從 1998 年後踏入業界實作出不少資料探勘 (Data Mining) 的計劃, 其中包含大家所知道的博客來, 魅力站, 花蝶, 聯絡家, 資策會, EZPrice (比價王).
所以不只是在現今稱為 Big Data 的業界擁有很多的實作經驗, 並透過 Full-Stack Maker (全層實作者) 的精神持續的創造出能夠協助社群大家做出能夠行為決策的系統, 甚至從他的資料與作品可以透視出台灣網際網路發展的歷史.
從 1992 年起, 就投入當時稱為資訊獲取 (Information Retrieving) 的領域, 因為深知其關鍵為大量運算, 所以踏入效能調校 (Performance Tuning), 高有效性系統 (High Availability) 等技術專長, 因為曾唸過管理科學, 化學, 數學, 圖書館, 資工, 資管等系所, 因此從 1998 年後踏入業界實作出不少資料探勘 (Data Mining) 的計劃, 其中包含大家所知道的博客來, 魅力站, 花蝶, 聯絡家, 資策會, EZPrice (比價王).
所以不只是在現今稱為 Big Data 的業界擁有很多的實作經驗, 並透過 Full-Stack Maker (全層實作者) 的精神持續的創造出能夠協助社群大家做出能夠行為決策的系統, 甚至從他的資料與作品可以透視出台灣網際網路發展的歷史.
7/01/2014
Data Science
1992 個人化文章推薦系統 over NNTP (Failed~~)
1995 新浪搜尋引擎 (Failed~~)
1996 BBS 個人版推薦系統 (Failed~~)
1999
2001 電子報推薦系統 (Failed~~)
2002
2004 博客來資料探勘系統
2005 MyZilla
2006 部落格觀察
2007 部觀門
2008 好好讀
2009 噗浪 Plurk.tw
2013 林克傳說
2014 彼得塔之鏡
1995 新浪搜尋引擎 (Failed~~)
1996 BBS 個人版推薦系統 (Failed~~)
1999
2001 電子報推薦系統 (Failed~~)
2002
2004 博客來資料探勘系統
2005 MyZilla
2006 部落格觀察
2007 部觀門
2008 好好讀
2009 噗浪 Plurk.tw
2013 林克傳說
2014 彼得塔之鏡
6/21/2014
Open Civic
https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1j2Aj1GdniyXxsSRkfxdQyzza1Ay3yh66CWgug8gPa2g/edit?usp=sharing
https://www.facebook.com/genehong/posts/10152525654154728
5/29/2014
Leo
- 這甚至可以設計成 成就遊戲領取等級xx的勳章by fb 帳號出個人成就資訊
- 還可設計更多任務讓使用者更投入這系統的運算資料探勘會更加精準只要把現在的介面改成任務產出成就清單報表
- 如果可以弄成剛講任務與成就的概念會讓更多人在短時間理解推起來會很可怕成就還補上說明 看不懂的就可以點選 ?來查詢資料探勘的基礎
- 可以沿用林克傳說把左邊的選項通通替換成任務名詞包裝一下 即可授權改成領取任務授權過的使用者改成目前成就
- by 收集的主題來區分任務屬性例如 美妝相關的議題資料可以歸納成美少女夢工廠篇3C 相關應該可以歸類誠鋼彈 XXX篇
- 親子就林克傳說龍騎士小布!!阿邦快速劍阿~~~~親子就史萊姆育成計畫
- 憤世嫉俗的話題就 人類補完計畫
- 然後by 話題設計成任務丟到適合的選項
5/22/2014
食夢黑貘的簡介 (網路工作版)
在 1989 年時, 認為網路的未來是可以降低媒體成本, 成為民主政治的最後防線決定踏入網路, 之後嘗試透過網路進行學生自治等議題, 但在當時認為媒體不能被個人擁有的氛圍下, 於 1996 年開發出以個人版為主的 BBS, 成為第一個代表作, 造成那時候每一個知青都擁有自己的 BBS 個人版, 也因為透過這方式, 發現利用寫程式可以改變社會, 就建立自己所想要的社會工作型態.
之後在 2000 年想用個人電子報的資料探勘來讓個人更突顯, 只是最後失敗, 也雖然有人說當時創造出來的 BBS 個人版加上網頁介面, 才是史上第一個 Blog, 但一直到 2006 年寫出了部落格觀察, 帶動出現今台灣個人部落格的現像與產業, 才是第二個代表作.
"林克傳說" 是最新的作品, 也是與朋友組成的 "闇紅黑客" 的作品之一, 在 318 學運也衍伸出 "服貿東西軍" 等作品, 加上透過臉書打卡機制來呈現的 "打卡現民意", 計算街頭直播觀看人數的 "網路一號", 以及最近的 "彼得塔之鏡" 來去做表態機制, 這些都是想要透過這樣的系統達到開放公民的目標.
之後在 2000 年想用個人電子報的資料探勘來讓個人更突顯, 只是最後失敗, 也雖然有人說當時創造出來的 BBS 個人版加上網頁介面, 才是史上第一個 Blog, 但一直到 2006 年寫出了部落格觀察, 帶動出現今台灣個人部落格的現像與產業, 才是第二個代表作.
"林克傳說" 是最新的作品, 也是與朋友組成的 "闇紅黑客" 的作品之一, 在 318 學運也衍伸出 "服貿東西軍" 等作品, 加上透過臉書打卡機制來呈現的 "打卡現民意", 計算街頭直播觀看人數的 "網路一號", 以及最近的 "彼得塔之鏡" 來去做表態機制, 這些都是想要透過這樣的系統達到開放公民的目標.
3/22/2014
3/07/2014
santa claus murderur (Backup)
Once upon a time there was a person who ended
wars forever by murdering 42 Santa Clauses.
It all began about ten days before Christmas when a Salvation Army Santa Claus was murdered midtown.
A morning newspaper carried the story, but the next day five more Santa Clauses were murdered and it hit the headlines of every paper in the country.
Four of them were killed collecting money for the Salvation Army and the fifth was stabbed in the toy department of Gimbels.
And people were outraged! They were indignant! They thought what a monster, what a ghoul this guy must be, I mean, to spoil the children's Christmas by murdering Santa Claus.
They weren't concerned over the actual lives of the men murdered, it was just what effect it would have on the children that upset everyone.
So the next day the town was filled with city and state police, FBI men, and even some Naval Intelligence officers, Treasury agents, and Department of Justice officials, all of whom found excuses to get in on the case---and ten more Santa Clauses were murdered, and the elusive killer wasn't caught.
So the night all the working Santa Clauses held a secret meeting to decide what to do.
They realized their responsibilities toward the children, but on the other hand it seemed sort of foolish to go out and just get popped off by this maniac. And so one man, who was a brave man, and who had no dependents, volunteered to go out the next day in costume under heavily armed guard.
But his throat was slashed in his bed that night.
And so the next day there were no Santa Clauses in the city.
And people were all sort of irritable and jumpy, and kids were crying, and it just didn't seem like Christmas without the Santa Clauses.
But the next day some daffy Hollywood chick, some actress who wanted some publicity, came out dressed in a Mrs. Santa Claus costume.
And the next year the same thing started to
happen all over again so they sent the women out immediately.
The next year the same thing happened; and the next, and the next --- and year after year this patient and elusive maniac would kill any male dressed as Mr. Santa Claus, until finally, in the newspaper, in advertisements, and in people's minds, Santa Claus sort of dropped into the background and Mrs. Santa Claus became the central figure.
I mean Santa Claus was still there. He made the toys up at the North Pole and he was in charge of the elves, but it was Mrs. Santa Claus who rode the sleigh with the reindeer and slid down the chimney and gave away the presents and led the Christmas parade each year.
And the funny part of it was women really seemed to enjoy being Mrs. Santa Claus. No one had to pay them and it got to be such a fad that the streets around Christmas time were jammed with Mrs. Santa Clauses. And as time went by they began making little alterations in the traditional costume, first changing the shade of red, and then experimenting with entirely different colors, so finally each costume was unique and fantastic, beautifully colored, gorgeous.
It became a real honor to lead the Christmas parade.
And the kids loved it!
Christmas had never been like this before, with all these Mrs. Santa Clauses, and all the excitement, and gee!
But these kids, this new generation of children who grew up believing in Mrs. Santa Claus, were sort of different.
Because you see Santa Claus to very young children is --- a god.
And about the time they stop believing in Santa Claus the start going to Sunday school and learning about a new God. And this new God doesn't just give them presents. He's sort of rough.
But all their lives they yearn for their old childhood god, their Santa Claus god.
Like witness their prayers, their saying --- give me what I want.
But this new generation of kids who grew up believing in Mrs. Santa Claus seemed to have a different attitude toward women.
They began electing women to Congress and they elected a women president and women mayors until pretty soon the country was entirely run by women.
They were mainly concerned with things like food, and there was much debate in Congress about various diets, and pretty soon even the poorest people had a lot to eat; and they were interested in houses, and soon, there was no housing shortage.
But there was one thing they wouldn't stand for.
The just weren't going to do it.
I mean what possible political reason could make these women send their guys out to get killed? It was ridiculous!
So with their political power and their financial power and the prestige of the United States they forced and encouraged other countries to let women run things.
So war was ended forever.
Men went on doing just what they'd always done. They worked in factories, and studied higher mathematics, and gambled on horses, and delivered the ice, and argued about philosophy.
But these arguments about philosophy didn't cause people to starve and kill each other.
And pretty soon all over the world, why --- no one was hungry --- everyone had nice houses --- there was no more war --- people began to be happy.
You know when you stop to think about it, a world revolution had taken place.
And gee, 42 Santa Clauses, that's not many people killed for a world revolution.
But the murderer, or really, the saint to whom humanity owed so much, who planned and carried out this almost bloodless revolution, was never caught and crucified.
Just went on living.
No, no one ever discovered the identity of this saint --- that is --- ahh --- except me.
I know who the saint is.
Oh, I have no proof, but you see that's exactly why I'm so sure I know.
Because there is only one person capable of this, there is only one person with the genius, the daring, the imagination, the courage, the love of people, the blood lust, and patience required to carry out this greatest of all deeds.
That person is my little sister.
It all began about ten days before Christmas when a Salvation Army Santa Claus was murdered midtown.
A morning newspaper carried the story, but the next day five more Santa Clauses were murdered and it hit the headlines of every paper in the country.
Four of them were killed collecting money for the Salvation Army and the fifth was stabbed in the toy department of Gimbels.
And people were outraged! They were indignant! They thought what a monster, what a ghoul this guy must be, I mean, to spoil the children's Christmas by murdering Santa Claus.
They weren't concerned over the actual lives of the men murdered, it was just what effect it would have on the children that upset everyone.
So the next day the town was filled with city and state police, FBI men, and even some Naval Intelligence officers, Treasury agents, and Department of Justice officials, all of whom found excuses to get in on the case---and ten more Santa Clauses were murdered, and the elusive killer wasn't caught.
So the night all the working Santa Clauses held a secret meeting to decide what to do.
They realized their responsibilities toward the children, but on the other hand it seemed sort of foolish to go out and just get popped off by this maniac. And so one man, who was a brave man, and who had no dependents, volunteered to go out the next day in costume under heavily armed guard.
But his throat was slashed in his bed that night.
And so the next day there were no Santa Clauses in the city.
And people were all sort of irritable and jumpy, and kids were crying, and it just didn't seem like Christmas without the Santa Clauses.
But the next day some daffy Hollywood chick, some actress who wanted some publicity, came out dressed in a Mrs. Santa Claus costume.
And people and kids flocked around her, being
the nearest thing to Santa Claus on the street, and she got a
lot of publicity, and she wasn't killed. So the next day several more prominent women came out, all dressed up like Mrs. Santa Claus with white powdered hair and red skirts and pillows in their stomachs and Santa Claus hats, and they weren't killed either. They decided maybe this maniac had stopped, so they sent out one Mr. Santa Claus as a test, but within an hour his body was being taken to Bellevue in an ambulance. There were three bullets in him. And so Christmas that year was spent with Mrs. Santa Clauses. |
The next year the same thing happened; and the next, and the next --- and year after year this patient and elusive maniac would kill any male dressed as Mr. Santa Claus, until finally, in the newspaper, in advertisements, and in people's minds, Santa Claus sort of dropped into the background and Mrs. Santa Claus became the central figure.
I mean Santa Claus was still there. He made the toys up at the North Pole and he was in charge of the elves, but it was Mrs. Santa Claus who rode the sleigh with the reindeer and slid down the chimney and gave away the presents and led the Christmas parade each year.
And the funny part of it was women really seemed to enjoy being Mrs. Santa Claus. No one had to pay them and it got to be such a fad that the streets around Christmas time were jammed with Mrs. Santa Clauses. And as time went by they began making little alterations in the traditional costume, first changing the shade of red, and then experimenting with entirely different colors, so finally each costume was unique and fantastic, beautifully colored, gorgeous.
It became a real honor to lead the Christmas parade.
And the kids loved it!
Christmas had never been like this before, with all these Mrs. Santa Clauses, and all the excitement, and gee!
But these kids, this new generation of children who grew up believing in Mrs. Santa Claus, were sort of different.
Because you see Santa Claus to very young children is --- a god.
And about the time they stop believing in Santa Claus the start going to Sunday school and learning about a new God. And this new God doesn't just give them presents. He's sort of rough.
But all their lives they yearn for their old childhood god, their Santa Claus god.
Like witness their prayers, their saying --- give me what I want.
But this new generation of kids who grew up believing in Mrs. Santa Claus seemed to have a different attitude toward women.
They began electing women to Congress and they elected a women president and women mayors until pretty soon the country was entirely run by women.
They were mainly concerned with things like food, and there was much debate in Congress about various diets, and pretty soon even the poorest people had a lot to eat; and they were interested in houses, and soon, there was no housing shortage.
But there was one thing they wouldn't stand for.
The just weren't going to do it.
I mean what possible political reason could make these women send their guys out to get killed? It was ridiculous!
So with their political power and their financial power and the prestige of the United States they forced and encouraged other countries to let women run things.
So war was ended forever.
Men went on doing just what they'd always done. They worked in factories, and studied higher mathematics, and gambled on horses, and delivered the ice, and argued about philosophy.
But these arguments about philosophy didn't cause people to starve and kill each other.
And pretty soon all over the world, why --- no one was hungry --- everyone had nice houses --- there was no more war --- people began to be happy.
You know when you stop to think about it, a world revolution had taken place.
And gee, 42 Santa Clauses, that's not many people killed for a world revolution.
But the murderer, or really, the saint to whom humanity owed so much, who planned and carried out this almost bloodless revolution, was never caught and crucified.
Just went on living.
No, no one ever discovered the identity of this saint --- that is --- ahh --- except me.
I know who the saint is.
Oh, I have no proof, but you see that's exactly why I'm so sure I know.
Because there is only one person capable of this, there is only one person with the genius, the daring, the imagination, the courage, the love of people, the blood lust, and patience required to carry out this greatest of all deeds.
That person is my little sister.
美
國女權運動在六、七
零年代有一個廣為流傳的故事,這故事有點兒童不宜,因為有謀殺聖誕老人的情節,但其以女性化救世界的主張,卻很有創意。故事是這樣的,聖誕老人是孩子們對
美好世界的想像,一到聖誕節,就有許多人扮成誕老人以增加過節氣氛。但聖誕老人一向是由男人裝扮,世代以來,都是如此,於是孩子們長大,也無形中養成了以
男性觀點來建立世界秩序。競爭、榮耀、勝利、成功等,這些內化的觀念根深地固;但這些價值的另一面,卻是別人的失敗與屈辱,甚至使用壓迫、侵略、戰爭也在
所不惜。
直
到有一年,有一個聖誕老人被殺死在街頭。原本大家也不太在意,可是隔了幾天,又一連好幾個聖誕老人被殺,顯然出現了專殺聖誕老人的連續殺人犯,但警方一點
線索也沒有。這引起極大的恐慌,而且當有人淡忘這件事,重新扮聖誕老人,這個神秘的殺人犯就立刻出現,聖誕老人隨時有生命危險。不久再也沒人敢扮聖誕老人
了。這樣過了幾年沒有聖誕老人的聖誕節,一些媽媽終於受不了了,於是就自己
扮起聖誕老人來,久了人們開始發現,這個神祕殺手從不殺女的聖誕老人。漸漸地,這個由男人扮聖誕老人的傳統竟然改變了!和孩子們歡度聖誕的變成了聖誕老婆
婆。
自
從聖誕老人變成女性後,世界也慢慢發生巧妙的變化,人與人的關係緩和了,暴力、壓迫、戰爭最後也都消失了。後來社會學家研究知道,那是因為聖誕老婆婆讓孩
子們以女性的特質來想像美好的世界,長大後就以母性的方式來追逐成功、改變世界,最後終於達成了世界和平的美夢。比起歷史上億萬人死於戰爭,最後竟然只犧
牲數十個聖誕老公公而達成世界和平,這個代價太小了。故事到此,當然,這 只是一個女性主義者略嫌誇張的故事,但它建議了一個出路,也許女性的內在特質,更能塑造一個和諧的世界。
在男性的世界裡,成功勝敗均以父權的宰制關係來鞏固,在弱肉強食的政界與領導的場域裡更是如此。因此儘管我國的女性政客已經不少,但為了不讓鬚眉,其女性的特質要被刻意壓制。
蔡
英文「非典」的封號不是來自其性別,而是其非男性化的政治手腕。這往往讓她周圍熟悉選舉技巧的策士,急得像熱鍋上的螞蟻,但她卻不出手,自有看法,可是結
果卻也常意想不到的圓滿。而馬總統號稱溫良恭儉讓,但一旦陷入困境,我們仍看到男性不願失去掌控的焦慮。例如和平協議,就是為了要確保宰制兩岸議題的焦慮
下,所表現出來的躁進,就更別提馬宋陣營的衝突,我們彷彿看到兩隻雄狒狒在爭地盤的廝殺。
當
然,建國殺敵的確是十分陽剛,說服人的邏輯也直接了當,但當昔日的大將軍們把他們確信的邏輯搬到競選台上,除了讓人嚇出一身冷汗外,沒有任何意義。民主或
可以一夕解嚴達成,民主文化則否,它需要更多的妥協、容忍、與順其自然的等待,就像媽媽照
顧孩子,等待他們長大,但這些都不太符合我國政客救選情如救火的急驚風個性。
也許,我們真該用選票殺了那些張牙舞爪的雄狒狒們,用女性化的觀點來重塑我國多一點人性的民主文化。陰錯陽差,這次大選我們嗅到了女人味,我們且拭目以待。當然,如果認為女性化就是哭哭啼啼、拖泥帶水,那恐怕又是一個沙豬觀點了。
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